Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
