saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
did i walk over a car last night?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
