No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
