my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
