At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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