We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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