When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
