if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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