Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
