guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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