is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
