you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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