Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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