It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"