just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
