Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.

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  (248): Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn. http://tfl.nu/n0iu
  Replies (8) Good night (3066) Bad night (718)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

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  (256): There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it. http://tfl.nu/68k2
  Replies (17) Good night (815) Bad night (3183)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.

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  (573): Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever. (573): I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that. http://tfl.nu/43y6
  Replies (22) Good night (5273) Bad night (609)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.

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  (727): It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics. http://tfl.nu/z8vb
  Replies (6) Good night (815) Bad night (4211)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.

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  (404): My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/ev36
  Replies (9) Good night (1409) Bad night (3520)
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  (631): View more from New York

  do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

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  (631): do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis? http://tfl.nu/tizi
  Replies (14) Good night (3932) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.

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  (703): I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice. http://tfl.nu/crhq
  Replies (7) Good night (3021) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

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  (308): You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants. http://tfl.nu/tdj1
  Replies (13) Good night (5370) Bad night (1117)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week

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  (334): thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week http://tfl.nu/vfml
  Replies (13) Good night (2977) Bad night (867)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  you motherfucker

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  (512): her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening" (1-512): you motherfucker http://tfl.nu/runr
  Replies (27) Good night (4266) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!

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  (770): ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!! http://tfl.nu/fv9p
  Replies (8) Good night (824) Bad night (366)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"

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  (402): The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?" http://tfl.nu/ovas
  Replies (11) Good night (675) Bad night (1384)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there

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  (806): Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there http://tfl.nu/qxkk
  Replies (5) Good night (699) Bad night (386)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.

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  (732): I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man. http://tfl.nu/tuk8
  Replies (2) Good night (300) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.

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  (732): Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife. http://tfl.nu/naek
  Replies (3) Good night (250) Bad night (739)

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