so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.