There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
