I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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