Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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