What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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