Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
