she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
