im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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