My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
