she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
