I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
