i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
