you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
