He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im part way to drunk.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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