alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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