You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
