Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
