I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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