I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
