people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
