remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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