I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
