i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
