I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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