Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
