Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
