Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just found puke in my bra..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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