I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Your face is a jimmy john
This is not my ceiling
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
