dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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