It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
