Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
