I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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