i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
