I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Your cock deserves a montage
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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