Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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