know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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