What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
