i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
