Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize