Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
