OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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