3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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