Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
