It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
