I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
