Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
