So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
