It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
