pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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