I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
