whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
