I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He better not be in your backpack
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
