your thong is hanging out like whoa
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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