if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
