Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize