this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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