I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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