I can tuck mytits in my pants
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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