he was CRYING into my vagina
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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