Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
