dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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