is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
