we made out on top of his cat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
