Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
pray to the hookup gods
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
