Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
