i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
